July 21, 2012


You may find this post very radical or old-fashioned if you're not a Christian. In that case, you can skip it or read other post. But if you're interested, I would be very happy to hear your thoughts and sincerely hope that you can get a clear view of how amazing it is to have God in your life. :)

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Our concept about love and marriage has been distorted by Hollywood movies or novels. People try to write their own love stories like what Shakespeare or Sparks wrote.. or even what Meyer wrote. Hehe, no offense Twilight fans, but seriously you're not hoping you'll end up with someone who can live thousand years, are you?

From all of those people, some may end up happily and some may end up in desolation and depression.

Marriage is not about happiness and love, it's about commitment. More than just an emotion, God said that marriage is a blood covenant (Genesis 2:24 - That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh). Marriage needs preparation more than just finding someone whom we will marry. Before finding your Mr/Ms Right, you need to prepare yourself for this new challenging journey.

You have to be mature enough before starting a relationship. You need to be independent, responsible of yourself, have a good self-control in emotion/attitude, feel comfortable about yourself, and secure. Even better if you already have a job because, you know, dating and wedding need money. Haha, but it's not the ultimate point tho'. :D

Why do you need to be good enough before starting a relationship? Because your partner, someone that you'll spend the rest of your life with, is not perfect. He/she has flaws and bad habits. Our nature is to love people that are good to us and hate people who hurt us. It's possible that one day your partner will hurt you because of his/her imperfections. If so, what will you do? Stop loving him/her? Leave him/her and try to find the new one?

That's why you need to learn how to love with God's perfect love before you start a relationship. You can't love someone with your love because you're not perfect. There's possibility you'll stop loving your partner. But God's love is perfect and endures forever. In relationship, you have to make your partner becomes a better person - and vice versa. This explains why you need to be good enough before starting a relationship.

Then how to love with God's love? It's easy to say but not easy to be done. To do all these things below, you need time. It's not an instant process. That's why marriage needs a looong preparation and even start before you meet your life partner. :D

How to love with God's love: ask Him to teach you, put Him first in everrryyy aspect of your life. Read His words, pray, listen to His voice. Build a close relationship with Him, you have to be lost in Him. Let Him to be the top priority in your life, put Him at the center of your life. By doing all these things, you will learn more about God and His amazing love. You will understand how God wants you to love people, not only your life partner. :)

Try to view something from God's view. Ask this to yourself in every situation: 'what would Jesus do?'. I knowww some say that WWJD is just a marketing strategy but for me, even if it may be just a marketing strategy, it's a good thing though. I always wear my WWJD bracelet to remind me to do things as God would do if He were in my position.

Anyway, let's move to the exciting part; dating.

You need to remember this; you start dating someone because you want to marry her/him one day. If you're not sure of marrying him/her, don't date him/her.

I once read a book titled When God Writes Your Love Story written by a lovely couple named Eric and Leslie Ludy. In one part of the book, Leslie talks about a unique thing called 'love your life partner all the days of your life'.

I'm pretty sure you don't get what's unique about 'love your life partner all the days of your life' but let me explain this. :D

In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel wrote about The Wife of Noble Character. After reading the Bible, I found that this was an advice from King Lemuel's mother to him. Wow! In verse 12, he wrote: 'She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life'. Let me make it clearer, a noble wife loves her partner all the days of her life, not just from the day she gets married to her husband until she dies, but since she's born until she dies, even when she hasn't met her husband yet!

I know the question that popped out in your head just now: how can a wife love her husband before she meets him? /:)

You can love your partner before you meet her/him by practicing holiness and not getting involved deeply romantically emotionally with a person that you're not sure whether he/she will become your life partner or not. Take care of yourself, prepare yourself for the right person that God has prepared specially for you.

Then a new question pops out: how to tell if someone's my Mr/Ms Right? If I keep on keeping distance with other guy/girl, I'll never know that actually he/she's the right person, right?

My church mentor said that God will grant you 'sensitivity' to know if someone's your Mr/Ms Right. It will be a feeling that only you can understand. I can't talk much about this since I'm not married yet, but I think it's true. I asked my mom about this and she answered the same thing. So, don't worry. We will know. :D

Unfortunately some people view dating as a chance to get closer to their partners physically and start showing more affection and romance. It's true that dating is a chance to get closer to your partner but more in knowing his/her personality, likes and dislikes, pluses and minuses, habits, thoughts, vision, dreams, and the most important one, his/her relationship with God.

You and your partner have to get closer emotionally with God than with each other. There's an old saying no one in love can see. Nemo in amore videt. It's kinda true because you tend to let yourself be blind when you're in love. All those romances and affections can blind you and push God aside from center of your life. In that case, uh-oh, you're in danger.

Your relationship with God should be even stronger when you start a relationship with someone. Never think that you've known your partner enough for a lifetime because you'll never know someone truly. You think you know people, then they surprise you. That's what Allison DiLaurentis said on Pretty Little Liars. My favorite.

People are like icebergs, you only know the small part on the surface while the bigger parts of them are buried deeply in the ocean. God knows your partner best because, clearly, He is the one who created him/her. Ask God about the best way to treat your partner, He knows what lies in the ocean. He will teach you.

So now if you're a single, prepare yourself for someone special that God has prepared. Don't rush, just take your time and enjoy what you have now. Do the best in your school/uni/work, be the light and serve God with all of your life. Pursue your passion, spend time with your family and friends. Learn and build a very close relationship with God. Have fun with your life.

If you're dating someone now, study her/him. Learn how he/she reacts when facing problems and difficulties. Spend time more for discussion, sharing thoughts, and talking about experience with God. Let your family, church mentor, and reliable friends step in your relationship because you need their views about your relationship. Ask for their opinions, comments, and advice. Remember, you tend to let yourself be blind when you're in love, that's why you need other people's opinions. It will be different when you're married, you have to protect your partner and don't let people's opinions ruin your relationship.

There's more I want to share to you about my opinion of dating and marriage but this post will end up too long. So I will try to summarize it in 3 points:
  • When you're single, use your solo time to serve God, learn about relationship, fix yourself, and pursue your dreams and career.
  • When you're in relationship, don't let the romance blind you. Study your partner's pluses and minuses, then ask yourself: can I live with it?
  • When you're married, be 'blind'! Protect your spouse and help him/her to be a better person.

I know it's hard to find a guy/girl who has this concept of marriage, esp. for a girl to find a guy. I know one guy who has this concept and commits to live it. I do respect him and I'm sure a girl that will end up with him, she's so blessed to have him as her husband.

And you also can be a person that makes your partner feel blessed to have you as his/her wife/husband. :)

Even it's hard to find a girl/guy who has this concept, trust me, God will provide. Just do your best and serve Him. Wait for His time and moment. Some can find their partner in their early 20s, some can find them in 30s. This happens because maybe God needs an extra time to 'decorate' the best 'gift' for you. :)

Just, be the right person. The right person will attract the right people.

And what does this post title mean? For me, 'I cross you' is the origin of 'I love you'. Cross is the symbol of perfect love. Come close to God and let Him unite you and your life partner in His perfect moment and time. You - God - your partner, not you - your partner ------- God. ;D

Trust Him your pen, let Him write your love story. He's much better than Shakespeare, Sparks, or Meyer. :)


Why do I use English this time? Because... I don't know but *cough* I feel awkward to say 'marriage' in Indonesian. At first I wrote this post in Indonesian, but when I re-read and re-edited it, I felt so 'awkward' haha that's why I decided to use English this time.


Here's my favorite song about marriage, Warren Barfield - Love Is Not A Fight. The lyrics are sooo beautiful. Planning to play it on my wedding day :P

By the way, it's a soundtrack from movie Fireproof. If you haven't watched Fireproof, just buy the DVD or borrow it or... download it? Haha, anyway the point is.. go watch it if you haven't! You can learn many things about marriage from it.

Love is not a place to come and go as we please. 
It's a house we enter in, then commit to never leave. 
So lock the door behind you, throw away the key. 
We'll work it out together, let it bring us to our knees.

To some, love is a word that they can fall into. 
But when they're falling out, keeping that word is hard to do.

And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door. 
No, love is not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for.


jefrylie said...

Nice article val.. Keep writing...

Valencia said...

Tlimikici Kojefff :D

michael said...

Wow .. Nice shared .. Jesus bless u and your family.. Thx for the article .. Its really bleesing me ♥

Valencia said...

Aww, really happy to know that! Thanks for reading ya, Michael. God bless you and your family too! :)

Vera Araminta said...

hai, bagus banget artikelnya.. ijin share di blog aku ( ya :) thanks

Valencia said...

@Vera: yeay! Thanks for sharing yaa :D